do you miss me like i miss you?

I have gone over it so many times in my head; no matter what, I can't figure out why.

At one point in time, I thought that the worst feeling anyone could ever possibly have is that of extreme sadness—but I was so, so wrong. The worst feeling anyone can ever have is simply confusion. The feeling that washes over you when you don't understand; when you can sit all day and think about every possibility and still, for the life of you, you can't figure out what happened, why it happened, or just simply: why?

The pain of what you don't know is overwhelming. The pain of knowing something is just outside of your grasp and you just have to stare at it all day and feel that throbbing pain in your heart. The strangling, suffocating, throbbing pain that starts in your chest and slowly rises up your throat and chokes you. It's so close, but you can't have it and you will never, ever be able to know.

Someone else has the power to torture you, mind, body, and soul. It's that wondering. It's wondering what happened, if it was something you did, just wondering what you could have done or just yearning for an explanation so bad that your heart seems to twist inside of your chest and pull on your veins.

The worst thing is that, having the feeling of not knowing, you begin to doubt your whole world. You begin to doubt the things you do and who you are and even everyone else at times. Not knowing robs you of your faith, it robs you of the ability to feel like you know. Because now, it's too hard to think that what you have now might still be here tomorrow, the day after that, or the day after that. Because you know that everything you ever believed in and hoped for and dreamed of and counted on when there was nothing else to count on was ripped away from you so quickly.

And the worst part is that you don't know why.

do you miss me like i miss you?

love and luck

was reading this article about love and luck and it got me thinking.

like other beautiful things in nature, a lot of things have to happen for anything to culminate.

one of the main governing forces over these kinds of processes is good old-fashioned luck.

when two people meet and start hanging out, a key to taking the next step in a relationship is where people are in their lives.

are they both in a position to be able to be close to someone?

perhaps one is working hard on their career, or maybe another has just been through a painful relationship not too long before, and can't commit.

when it all works out, people come into one another's life at just the right time.

and, luck has a lot to do with it because you really can't plan it — you can only hope that it happens just right.

circumstance dictates the entire process of running into a person.

every meeting you have with every person in your life is determined be a combination of personal choices and events in your life. even the most minute choice/action can change the future.

if you want to go even further back, your existence is based on events and choices of ancestors before you stretching far back in time.

so, not only are we all lucky to be on earth, but we are lucky that our significant other is on earth as well, and even luckier that circumstance brought us together.

do we really need to be lucky to find love?

not everything is for everyone.

maybe someday.